Raised in the jungle by a panther and a bear,
With all necessities for which a kid could care ,
In the laboratory in their underground lair
He gained all the skills to be the new leader of the nerds.
So he moved into the ghetto, where I was living on tea,
And he showed me how to make myself some toast with beans.
He taught Mozart the piano and Churchill how to speak,
Schooled Einstein on his theory, relatively.
Maybe you haven't seen, maybe you haven’t heard,
His name is JJ, he’s the king, the king of the nerds.
It’s rumoured he was bitten by a mutant spider,
With radioactive beats like Dr. Geiger.
In the daytime he wears clothes that his mum bought,
But by night he’s clad in lycra, no anorak or shorts
Red-hot chilli peppers are the only food he eats,
They give him strength to do incredible feats
At night he gets mad with crimes in his sleep,
Goes all Bruce Banner on the toilet seat.
Don’t be deceived by his geeky outer casing,
Believing such a lie and you’ll be most mistaken.
His knowledge of planes is more just than recreation,
He’s the brain behind the International Space Station.
His origin’s a mystery that bends space-time,
I found a Tardis in his wardrobe, but he said ‘That’s not mine’.
Half Maharaja, half rabbi, half mafia don,
He traced his family tree back to the Higgs Boson.
An enigma Bletchley Park just could not break,
The science master, geeky leader, nerd-erific sheikh.
Despite his bad-ass ways, he’s a bastion of virtue
Call him Jesus once, and that’s once too few.
A lot of in-jokes, but hopefully me dancing like a muppet will be fun for everyone. Thanks to Tim Kwant for the idea. Thanks to Pete, Tom, Max, Fiona, Nick, Tim, Hamish, JP, Sam, Mikey and Mozart for being such good sports.
Happy Birthday JayJ!